They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
