At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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