she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
