hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
