just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
