I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
