so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
