I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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