What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
