dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize