he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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