Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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