I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
