did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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