Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize