so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
