Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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