She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
