Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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