i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
did you just send me my own nude
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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