Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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