I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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