btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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