If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
