Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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