I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
