OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
