so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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