I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
