i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
