we made out on top of his cat.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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