My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
