I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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