just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Your tits are I can't wait for
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
