drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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