just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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