My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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