Pregnant stripper...not hot.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
