Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
