Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
