I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
