I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
