a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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