Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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