if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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