In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
