Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
