we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he fucked my hip out of place.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
