Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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