nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
