I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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