I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Randomize
