Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
