Whod you bang
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
