Midget sex pt 2 tonight
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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