Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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