Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
