Your tits are I can't wait for
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
