I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
