a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
