My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
