I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
