also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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