don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize