I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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