i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
