counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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