I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
