I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
