It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
