my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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